It's not like visiting a middle class kid with two parents and his own room. These boys share their places of sleep (intentional euphemism) with up to four others. Some of them don't have pens and pencils of their own. They are malnourished because the food they are served is mainly junk. They have deflated soccer balls, and no pump. A travesty in any Latin American culture.
Nonetheless, I can not help but see great potential in every single kid. One in particular, is Rodrigo dos. Although Rodrigo uno has long been gone, this one is still number two to me. As of late, he has become the alpha male, so to speak, as his older brother and former leader Franco has been taken to another home in Cosquin. Rodrigo has easily filled his brother's shoes, and all of the remaining kids have followed his lead whether consciously or sub-consciously.
I work hard to get him to come play soccer with us, and when he gets there, it is a chore to make him stop playing with the cell phone that doesn't even make phone calls. When we play, he is full of bad words. We have moments of laughter, and even hugs after goals. But he's more aggressive than the rest, and even hits the others, joking afterwards that it was all in fun.
Then we come to the point of passing out the "premios," the rewards for good behavior. Sergio easily gets one because he played even though he didn't want to. Mariano gets one for acting his age (the eldest at 14). I hold back with Rodrigo. "Why?" I ask. "Why do you get one?"
"Because I played," he responds.
I explain all the other points that discouraged me--the bad words, the fighting attitude.
"All the others said bad words too, and they get a prize!" he whines.
Did I mention that when I went to ask him to stop playing on the cell phone, he had looked at me and started yelling, "Sh**! Sh**! Sh**!"? Yes. In English.
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| Sarah and I said that his whole aura changes when he smiles. |
"Sabés por qué? Realmente, es porque yo sé que sos mejor que eso. Que en realidad, sos un líder. Tienes una potencial más grande lo que podes ver. Y para mi, porque veo esta posibilidad, tengo un standard más alto para ti. Yo quiero lo mejor, ves? Es una problema poner este standard para tu vida?"
He looked at me for a few seconds and said no. It's not a problem.
(Translation: Do you know why? Because truly, I know that you are better than this. That in reality, you are a leader. You have a potential greater than you can see. And for me, because I see this possibility, I have a higher standard for you. I want what's best for you, you see? Is it a problem to put this standard in your life?)
The ability for these kids to switch is incredible to me. There are times when they are so cruel to each other, but within minutes you see them giving a sincere hug to one of our volunteers. Within minutes, Rodrigo had thrown the premio that I did give him to the ground, had said he was sorry for all he had done, had eaten another premio that I had given (I gave everyone two, because they were smaller than before), and had begun chatting with the other volunteers with us.
He includes me often in his questions--sometimes he makes fun of me, sometimes he is serious. I am often guessing what comes next. Part of the work too, is distracting him with questions of my own, in order to keep him from bothering the other kids.
I took Sergio home early because he had a theater class of some sort to go to. I passed the pen that Javi had decorated with thread for Matias to one of the teachers. Ivan came home without having to be dragged. Mariano and I talked a little about his family in Rio Primero. I recall the funny conversation Nahuel and I had the day before about how much we've "engoradados" in this year alone. I still blame the empanadas--haha. I think much about Chechu who has been moved to another home in Rio Cuarto.
Am I discouraged when the boys don't show the same excitement to see me as when they see Javi? Sometimes. I know there's a part of them in great need of a father figure in their lives, so I gladly pass that baton. I was greatly relieved to have this moment with Rodrigo though: to help him know that I have nothing but high hopes for him. I regret that it was in front of the other boys because I don't want them to think I only think this way for him.
I've been better at telling them that I love them, but it still doesn't feel like enough.
[Sigh]. This is hard work. There are days when I feel like I haven't put in many hours. But the hours that do pass seem like a lifetime. God has taught me a lot. I've reached such a higher level of Spanish than I imagined possible, and I've seen changes in my attitude as well. Sometimes it's not just about these boys maturing, but my growth as well.
Hmm.. wrote much more than I planned, and in a lot of ways, I've just skinned the surface.
Chau.
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